


All The Right Words [26/52]

by andrea_deer



Series: 52 aspec drabbles/ficlets of 2017 [26]
Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: 52 aspec drabbles, Angst, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Chapman being an annoying know-it-all, Gen, Mentions of canon character death, aro ace Taystee, finding the term "asexuality"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-10 06:06:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12905721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andrea_deer/pseuds/andrea_deer
Summary: Three times Taystee needed the word "asexual" and one time she finally had it.26th of 52 aspec drabbles.





	All The Right Words [26/52]

**one**

Taystee and Jemima want to befriend Louis. He is a year older, seventeen already, and he's strong and popular. Their life at school would be so much better if they could hang out with him.

Jemima lets him kiss her and put a hand up her skirt.

Taystee helps him with math.

Both of them think their own way is the easier one.

**two**

She's too old to be adopted, but living with Vee feels like finally having a family. Weird and messed up as it is. She treats all the guys like her brothers. Annoying and loved at the same time.

That's what she tells them when one after the other they try to ask her out or kiss her.

It's not exactly the full truth, but it is not a lie.

**three**

"I love you," she says once. Her voice quiet and muffled, half asleep as she snuggles to her bunkmate.

Suzanne spilled some juice on Taystee's bed and they refused to give her a new mattress, even though hers didn't dry fast enough. 

It's annoying, but it has the benefit of being close with her best friend. Warm and safe. Those are rare feelings in prison, they need to be cherished.

Poussey pats her hand, half asleep. A quick reassurance, I heard you. Mhhhm.

Taystee loves Poussey more than she had loved anyone in a long while. She wants to hug her so tightly they will both feel whole again. She wants to tell her this, but she wants her to know that's all there is. That she loves Poussey, but not in the same way Poussey loves her.

And she can't explain that properly and that hurts.

And when it's not enough it hurts even more.

She wishes things were easier, but they're rarely are in prison.

**\+ one**

They're locked in Caputo's office. Bored, checking things online, like kids running around a candy store. Cindy found some quiz on Buzzfeed about what your type of man says about you. They're all giggling and playing and it's Taystee's turn, but the questions are tricky and she answers mostly randomly.

"Oh come on!" Watson despairs. "You have to have something you find attractive in a guy!"

"When you see a guy with just the thing and you go wooo-ah, want me some of that!" Cindy explains with wild gestures that are supposed to be more informative. "You know?"

Taystee shrugs and says slowly: "I reaaally don't. I don't think anyone does!"

"What?" Chapman asks with a small annoying smile. "You don't find men attractive?"

"I don't find anyone _that_ attractive, you're all really weird about that. Too much time in prison, that's what I think!"

Cindy frowns. "Ummm, no. I mean, yeah it doesn't help. The urges grow, ya know what I mean? But it's not a prison thing. You see a hot piece of man and you go rawr and wanna pounce."

Chapman laughs and Taystee frowns at them all. The girls always talk like that. It's like guys talking in their groups, locker room talks, she thought. Like when they were all twelve or thirteen and knew nothing about anything but talked all about their fake ass boyfriends and imaginary kisses.

"You guys for real?"

"Yeah!"

"Pretty much," admits Chapman and shrugs. "Well, not always for a man, but yeah."

Taystee frowns some more and now Chapman is looking at her and has that weird 'I need to figure this out' look about her that's so fucking annoying.

"Wait, you never feel attracted to anyone like that?"

Taystee shakes her head slightly and really wants to change the subject, but now Cindy caught on too.

"Really? Then how you know who you wanna sex up?"

Taystee shrugs and looks away. Watson is making some shooing gestures from behind her back, but Cindy doesn't notice. 

"You _do_ wanna sex someone up, right?"

"Not really, no! Can we please change the subject?"

"Wait, are you asexual?" Chapman asks and Taystee wants to smack her.

"What? The hell is that?"

"If this is one of those weird diseases or-"

"No! No, no, no. Asexuality. It's a sexual orientation or- lack of it, I guess, I mean- It's when you're not really sexually attracted to anyone!" Chapman explains quickly and Taystee would give her points for learning to get to the point finally if she was not so stumped.

Cindy snorts and waves her hand, disbelieving.

"That's not a real thing, come on."

"No, really, it's actually really interesting and-"

"Guys, I hate to interrupt this fascinating debate, but you do know we're actually doing something here?" Watson interrupts and points to the door window through which they all see Figueroa coming their ways with the usual scowl stuck on her face.

They all fell silent and the dumb test gets forgotten until after another meeting. Taystee looks at the computer and closes the BuzzFeed test, opening Google and typing 'asexual' in it. She looks around to make sure no one is paying attenion, but she seems to be alone again.

She reads through the night and in the morning she doesn't tell anyone anything, but if she wanted to, she would finally have the right words to use.

It breaks her heart when she thinks Poussey is not here to hear them.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](https://archiveofourown.org/works/lordnochybaty.tumblr.com) or come to [my aspec sideblog](http://acesthetically-pleasing.tumblr.com/) for more aspec goodies :)


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